Pittsburgh Food Bank EOY Email Campaign Draft

Hi Maureen.

I think you've got a strong foundation with this e-mail, and that its structure is solid. It's easy to get through, you make your points, and the length is easily digestible.

A few comments. First, while you do use the word 'together' in the call-out text, I'm wondering if you want your subject line to be either more action-oriented or more community focused. A hunger-free holiday season will only occur if a) people take action to ensure no one goes hungry, or b) a community exists to make sure it happens. So I would conisder something like "Feed everyone in our community this holiday season" or "Join us to ensure a hugner-free holiday season" -- really, anything with a verb that serves as a call to action.

Second, I think one of the things missing in the text right now is passion. You do explain the problem and provide numbers, and touch on the urgency of the problem, which is all great But I would strengthen your appeal with language along the lines of "Even one person going hungry is one too many" or "The holiday season should be one of joy, not hunger and suffering." We need to tap into the emotional side of the issue to stir people to a response; in many ways giving to an appeal is done on impulse (shortly after reading the e-mail) so you really to trigger someone's feelings to drive a response.

Since in this case this e-mail is going to existing donors, I would include somewhere in this text a thank you for past gifts. Let's thank the donors for doing what they've done so far to help feed the hungry -- and then teach them that during the holiday season, the need is even greater. The organization needs its most passionate supporters (in other words, as seen by the recipient, "you") to accomplish its goal of a hunger-free holiday season. We want to make people feel good about their past gift -- and feel even better about making another gift in a time of heightened need.

Hope this helps. Even though your existing donors know the organization and know the issue, like prospects, they still need to make an emotional connection to the issue and their act of giving. You do touch on this in the paragraph beginning "With your support," but I'd like to see this kind of language earlier and stronger. Lastly, I know you don't want to include dollar amounts, but would you consider explaining how far a dollar goes, like how many dollars per meal or per family? Or are you saving that kind of language for prospects?

Scott